Princess Protection Program (DVD)

You've heard of witness protection programs? Well, apparently there's an International Princess Protection Program, and it exists solely for the purpose of rescuing, relocating, and ultimately restoring threatened or deposed princesses to their thrones. The program--so extensive that headquarters is like the subway during rush hour and different princesses are in various stages of "make-overs"--is funded by the world's royalty. And that's the part that makes the most sense.

Because the idea is as far-fetched as the school for superheroes we saw in "Sky High," you need to swallow the whole fantasy hook, line and sinker if you're going to enjoy this made-for-TV Disney Channel film, which debuts on television June 26 and comes to DVD four days later. Even more high-concept than the PPP is the pairing of two Disney stars, Demi Lovato ("Camp Rock," "Sonny with a Chance") and Selena Gomez ("Wizards of Waverly Place"), who, we learn on one of the bonus features, have actually been close friends since a shared experience appearing on "Barney & Friends." So you have two sitcom "princesses" in a movie about ONE princess. Which one gets to be royalty? Well, they didn't choose by age, because Gomez is roughly a month older than her friend, each of whom grew up in Texas. And they didn't choose according to who had Disney seniority (if such a thing can be said about a couple of 17 year olds), because Gomez broke in with the House of Mouse on a 2006 episode of "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody," while Lovato made her Disney debut with "Camp Rock" (2008). Maybe they went by ratings. "Camp Rock" made the biggest splash since "High School Musical," and Lovato was also performing with the Jonas Brothers as a special guest. That makes her a pop princess too, and a contender for the crown in this film. In addition, "Sonny with a Chance" is tied with "American Idol" for TV's #1 spot and the #1 scripted program in the tween demographic. Or maybe Gomez is as nice as the character she plays and just said, "No, really, you can have the tiara."

Gomez plays the tomboyish Carter Mason, who helps out with her father's bait shop and is normal insomuch as she wants the best-looking guy in school to like her. But popular mean-girls Chelsea (Jamie Chung) and Brooke (Samantha Droke) nudge her out of the picture. Then Dad (Tom Verica) gets called away to business again. Turns out the bait shop is just a cover. His real job is with the PPP, and his latest assignment takes him to the teensy-weensy island nation of Costa Luna, where Princess Rosalinda (Lovato) will soon be crowned queen. But during coronation rehearsal an ambitious general from a neighboring small island nation attacks the palace with his men and imprisons Rosalinda's mother, Princess Margaret (Talia Rothenberg). Mason effects a dramatic rescue (I'm not spoiling a lot, since all this happens in the first 10 minutes) and before you can say "crawdads" he's springing Princess Rosalinda and bringing her back to Lake Monroe, Louisiana to live with them as Carter's "cousin" from Iowa. But she has a thing or two to learn about catfish and (eeww) worms.

Predictably, the bulk of the film plays with the idea of "being a princess" that has fascinated the Disney marketing people for years now. What makes a princess? Do you have an inner princess inside you? That's exactly the sort of thing that occupies the thoughts of tweens and younger girls who love movies like this. And "Princess Protection Program" ought to be a hit with that target audience. Gomez and Lovato are likable, and both function well within the constraints of the familiar teen formula involving popular and not-so-popular kids. Writer Annie DeYoung ("Johnny Kapahala: Back on Board") throws in a nice princess twist, too: Anyone can be a princess in America, right? Yep, if she gets enough votes to become a homecoming princess, or better yet, Homecoming Queen.

The humor--mild, though it is--comes from situations involving "Rosie's" acclimation to the life of a commoner. She has a hard time grasping the concept of a shared bedroom with Carter, she waits for people to serve her, and she asks the most popular boy in class (Nicholas Braun) to give up his seat for her. Rosie holds up the lunch line--"I like to talk to my staff in their native tongues," she says, upon which an exasperated Carter says, "They're not staff, they're lunch ladies--and we won't even talk about bowling. But when it comes down to mean girls versus cousins, well, it's a sisterhood that can't lose, and just desserts be ripe with humor. How funny is it? I have a seven-year-old Disney princess at home and an 11-year-old hater of all things princess. But my son even liked "Princess Protection Program" for the simple reason that it was funny.

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Confessions of a Shopaholic (DVD)

At one point in this romantic comedy from director P.J. Hogan ("Muriel's Wedding"), the heroine turns to her boss/love interest and says, somewhat shocked, "You speak Prada?" They were shopping together, and she was clearly thinking he wasn't up to speed. Curiously, that's what I thought about "Confessions of a Shopaholic" (2009). Compared to "The Devil Wears Prada" (2006), it feels like a cheap knock-off. It's not as smart or fashionable, and there's just something about anything "aholic" that's a little sad and pathetic--two things that make it difficult for an audience to be charmed by or identify with her.

I've never read the series of books by Sophie Kinsella that inspired this film, so I can't say whether something was lost in translation. And in fairness, Confessions of a Shopaholic did come out in trade paperback in 2001, two years before Lauren Weisberger's novel, The Devil Wears Prada. But the main character in "Shopaholic," Rebecca Bloomwood (Isla Fisher, "Wedding Crashers"), is more annoying than endearing. Whether she's as written in the novel, as altered in the script by Tracey Jackson and Tim Firth, the result of Hogan's direction, or Fisher's initiative, the character comes across more like Dorothy in a fashion-world Oz than a career woman with a dream . . . and an addiction that at first feeds the dream, then starves it. She's just a little too Gomer Pyle wide-eyed for someone who's been in New York for five years, and a little too clueless about journalism for someone who's been working in the field for that same length of time. Heck, I have interns who come across as being more professional and knowledgeable. That's my chief complaint about this film. I'm one of those rare males who actually likes romantic comedies, and I was ready and willing to be swept away by this one. But the main character was too damned annoying to land any sort of job, much less the boss (yes, there's a little of "Bridget Jones' Diary" in this film as well).

Rebecca wants to land a dream job with Alette magazine (run by Alette), something she's fantasized about since she was 14. But she loses out to an internal hire who's more glam and more bam when it comes to playing the game. Suze (Krysten Ritter) treats poor little Rebecca with an "Ugly Betty" disdain, but Rebecca learns that there's a job opening at a sister publication, Successful Saving, and that once you get your foot in the door you can move to Alette. Of course, Rebecca knows nothing about saving. En route to the interview she was captivated by another sale and decided to purchase a green scarf . . . using a combination of cash and five different credit cards. Yes, she's maxed out, and owes more than $16,000. Unable to make payments, she's dodging a tenacious bill collector named Derek Smeath (Robert Stanton). How much of a shopaholic is she? When her card is declined and she has to have that scarf, she runs to the nearest hot dog vendor, pushes to the front of the line, and offers to write a check for all 90-some hot dogs if he'll give her the cash back she's short to buy her precious scarf. The next man in line gives her the $20. And, no surprise, he turns out to be Luke Brandon, the editor at Successful Saving with whom she's to have her interview. In this fantasy world, borrowing $20 from a stranger to buy a scarf for a sick aunt and then being caught in a lie is, combined with a demonstrated lack of finance knowledge, enough to land her the job. Apparently Brandon thinks she can be the Carrie Bradshaw of personal finance.

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Friday the 13th, Part 3 (Blu-ray)

The thing is, I always feel sorry for poor old Jason by the end of these movies. I mean, he goes around all through the stories omniscient and omnipotent, killing off people right and left, and then he gets his comeuppance when he confronts one last, helpless, screaming young female, who does him in. Seems kind of unjust.

After Paramount found two low-budget gold mines in "Friday the 13th" (1980) and "Friday the 13th, Part 2" (1981), they decided to give it another try in 1982 with "Friday the 13th, Part III," this time in 3-D. Apparently, the studio remembered all those three-dimensional pictures from the 1950s, like WB's "House of Wax" and Universal's "Creature from the Black Lagoon," and decided to adapt the process for their own modest little movie. Fortunately, on this Blu-ray disc Paramount offer the film in both versions, 2-D and 3-D, so if the 3-D approach and the 3-D glasses bother you, as they did me, you can watch the film in a more traditional format.

"Part III" is pretty much the same as its predecessors: At a remote, woodsy location on Crystal Lake, a maniacal killer, Jason Voorhees (Richard Brooker), murders a group of young people in various gruesome ways. Director Steve Miner, who helmed the previous film, adds nothing new or innovative to the formula. We start with a flashback to the ending of "Part 2," and then we move on to a new batch of youngsters spending the weekend at a small ranch on the lake, apparently near the campgrounds where the two earlier slaughters took place. The bunch includes the all usual stereotypes we've come to expect: the two leads, a girlfriend and boyfriend (Dana Kimmell and Paul Kratka), a designated nerd (Larry Zerner), a pair of hippies, and several other beautiful people. The faces change; the characters remain the same. In the movie's only meager attempt at diversity, there is also a trio of biker hoods who momentarily terrorize the youngsters (Nick Savage, Gloria Charles, and Kevin O'Brien). Guess who gets it first?

Also as usual, we get a slew of red herrings, a common trait of Miner and his screenwriters in these films. They fake us out so many times with false scares that when they actually want to frighten us, we're immune. Composer Harry Manfredini replays his anticipated "Psycho" and "Jaws"-inspired soundtrack music, which by now has become trite but remains one of the best parts of these things. And the casting director continued to find young performers who were wonderfully cute people and woefully bad actors.

Random questions: Didn't Volkwagens have safety glass by the 1970s and '80s? Doesn't Jason have anything better to do than lurk around other people's cabins? Is an old country barn really the best location for a killing spree? If the filmmakers were going to tone down the blood and gore, as they did here, shouldn't they have replaced it with greater tension and suspense? If they were going to rip off other horror movies like "The Shining" and their own "Friday the 13th," shouldn't they have done it more creatively?

Well, at least Jason gets his hockey mask in this one and doesn't have to wear that silly sack on his head anymore. And, as in all good horror movies, you can't keep a good monster down. Shoot him, stab him, hang him, burn him, or bury him, he always comes back for more. It doesn't mean we have to come back, though.

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Deep Blue Sea (DVD)

There is little time to come up for air in Renny Harlin's "Deep Blue Sea," but not because it is such an engaging story or rich with characters that draw you in. The film is extreme, silly, loud and entertaining--all things that make it worth watching. Throw together three eight-thousand pound Mako sharks with a desperate scientist, a capable but down-on-his-luck grease man, a sharp-mouthed yet religious cook, plus Samuel L. Jackson, and you have one of the more poorly made yet fun to watch disaster films in recent memory.

Upon its release, "Deep Blue Sea" was billed as simply a "Jaws" rip-off. This was not surprising, as Steven Spielberg's 1975 classic sits atop the man-versus-killer-animal film pyramid. In reality, I don't think "Deep Blue Sea" is trying to rip off "Jaws" (although, if you have seen the endings in first three "Jaws" films, you may notice some unique similarities). It seems to go after another Spielberg layout instead: "Jurassic Park."

Think about it in these terms: Each film has an older, wealthy fellow (Richard Attenborough in "Jurassic Park," Samuel L. Jackson in "Deep Blue Sea") who invests in a scientific project (bringing dinosaurs back to life in "Jurassic Park," genetically engineering Mako shark brains to harvest proteins and cure Alzheimer's disease in "Deep Blue Sea") despite a few criticisms from dissenters, only to have everything go wrong amidst a slew of special effects and general chaos. The significant difference between the films is that "Jurassic Park" works because of, among other things, strong characters and a quality script. "Deep Blue Sea," while entertaining, falls short in both regards.

Harlin's filmography provides some insight into why "Deep Blue Sea" doesn't work on these levels. The Finnish director's prior works include "A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master," "Die Hard 2," "Cliffhanger," and the colossal bomb "Cutthroat Island." What sticks out about Harlin's work are explosions, stunts, and near-death experiences (plus actual death experiences for some characters), not engaging dialogue, rich scripts, or deep characters that you find yourself rooting for or against as the films progress. If films were reviewed just on the things Harlin's work tends to be very good at, I might call "Deep Blue Sea" a valuable volume to consider adding to a DVD library. Unfortunately, films need more, and as a result this one lacks in a number of key areas.

The stars of "Deep Blue Sea" are without question the Mako sharks that take over research station Aquatica as it floats off the Mexico coast in the Pacific Ocean. They quickly proceed to bully its human inhabitants into lots of dark hallways, wet labs, and elevator shafts before flooding it. Never mind the awkward sexual tension between Dr. Susan McAlester (Saffron Burrows) and Carter Blake (Thomas Jane), or the comical yet somewhat hypocritical actions of Sherman "Preacher" Dudley (LL Cool J). These sharks steal the show, and rightfully so. There are plenty of avenues Harlin and writers Duncan Kennedy, Donna Powers and Wayne Powers could have gone with character development. In fact, each character has a few hints dropped about him or her that make viewers wonder more. What did corporate executive Russell Franklin (Samuel L. Jackson) "smuggle" to serve two years in jail? What about Blake (Jane), a self proclaimed "shark wrangler" and bad boy with a bad background? We get a taste of each man's past early on, but nothing more. Probably because nothing had exploded yet and no one had been eaten. As "Deep Blue Sea" progressed, I found myself wanting to see more of these sharks in action. If you are patient enough to watch from beginning to end, you won't be disappointed in them. The stunts, special effects and action scenes all hold their own, but the same can't be said for any of the film's human participants.

Like any decent movie where characters battle adversity, there are soapbox speeches woven in throughout, each intended to motivate and inspire others to action. It seems as though each main character gives one, and they vary in degree of credibility. But Franklin's (Jackson) is the winner in one of the film's best, yet hardest to believe, moments. In fact, this particular scene acts as a microcosm for the rest of the film: a brief, yet loud, violent, and entertaining adventure.

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