Wednesday, June 6, 2007

The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai


"The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai" is a Japanese pink film with a message: everybody´s getting fucked by George Bush. Sachiko literally gets fucked by Bush or rather by Bush´s finger. That requires some explanation. Someone has cloned the finger of the President of the United States and hidden in a lipstick case. Everybody wants it because, after all, the POTUS does possess the deadliest finger in the world, the one poised to press the metaphorical button that can send missiles streaking across the globe and wipe out civilization a hundred times over.

By happenstance, the finger winds up in the possession of Sachiko Hanai (Emi Kuroda), part-time home tutor, fuller-time slut. Just after she winds up with the finger, she also gets shot in the head which doesn´t turn out quite as badly as you might expect. In fact, Sachiko suddenly finds that she can quickly master most of the knowledge of the world from advanced calculus to French philosophy. She might even be able to solve the problem of world peace if only she could stop having all these awful delusions in which President Bush torments her and, to really make his point stick, even finger bangs her. Along the way, Sachiko encounters a police man (who she screws), a college professor (who she screws) and a mobster (who she screws) who kills everyone in his path in pursuit of the world´s most powerful finger. And then the plot gets pretty weird.

Being a pink film, the sex scenes are the main attraction. Though Japanese censorship prevents the depiction of penetration or male genitalia (a few bush shots, not of the George W. kind, are acceptable), director Mitsuru Meike still finds creative ways to shoot some pretty filthy sex scenes, including a semen-cam which provides full screen money shot. It´s exactly the sort of thing Sam Raimi would have done if he ever turned his attention to the world of porn. Sachiko gets naked a lot, even using her body as a reward to inspire her pupils to get the correct answer. I know that would have inspired me.

Though "Glamorous Life" conforms for the most part to the pink film formula, Meike´s addition of geopolitical intrigue (no matter how silly) and high-falutin´ intellectual terminology marks it as unique. As Sachiko wildly humps the professor, they discuss the collective works of Noam Chomsky and Susan Sontag, sending the mild-manner prof into an even higher orgiastic frenzy. It´s not often a porn star observes that "Paradise Lost lacks the material base of pessimism" just before giving a blow job. Meike also displays ingenuity, no doubt fueled by his limited budget, when he depicts the soldiers on the U.S.S. Kitty Hawk as action figures or uses a crudely drawn cartoon to depict the bullet lodging dead center in Sachiko´s brain.
ost porn flicks end with a climax, but here the big release arrives in the form of American intercontinental ballistic missiles unleashed on the world by Sachiko and Dubyah´s deadly finger. As the world is about to be destroyed, Sachiko lets herself get picked up by a surfer dude who invites her for chow mein. As the missiles rain down, her final line "Really? Great! I´m so hungry!" a bubble-headed echo of ´Mein Führer! I can walk!" You can practically hear the strands of "We´ll Meet Again" rising in the background.

Nobody is going to confuse "The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai" with a masterpiece, but not many films combine the strange and disparate elements of this one. The sex scenes are pretty hot, but some viewers might find their libido diminished by the juxtaposition with George Bush or even Noam Chomsky for that matter. Of course, that might be your thing. Not that there´s anything wrong with that.

"The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai" is a Japanese pink film with a message: everybody´s getting fucked by George Bush. Sachiko literally gets fucked by Bush or rather by Bush´s finger. That requires some explanation. Someone has cloned the finger of the President of the United States and hidden in a lipstick case. Everybody wants it because, after all, the POTUS does possess the deadliest finger in the world, the one poised to press the metaphorical button that can send missiles streaking across the globe and wipe out civilization a hundred times over.

By happenstance, the finger winds up in the possession of Sachiko Hanai (Emi Kuroda), part-time home tutor, fuller-time slut. Just after she winds up with the finger, she also gets shot in the head which doesn´t turn out quite as badly as you might expect. In fact, Sachiko suddenly finds that she can quickly master most of the knowledge of the world from advanced calculus to French philosophy. She might even be able to solve the problem of world peace if only she could stop having all these awful delusions in which President Bush torments her and, to really make his point stick, even finger bangs her. Along the way, Sachiko encounters a police man (who she screws), a college professor (who she screws) and a mobster (who she screws) who kills everyone in his path in pursuit of the world´s most powerful finger. And then the plot gets pretty weird.

Being a pink film, the sex scenes are the main attraction. Though Japanese censorship prevents the depiction of penetration or male genitalia (a few bush shots, not of the George W. kind, are acceptable), director Mitsuru Meike still finds creative ways to shoot some pretty filthy sex scenes, including a semen-cam which provides full screen money shot. It´s exactly the sort of thing Sam Raimi would have done if he ever turned his attention to the world of porn. Sachiko gets naked a lot, even using her body as a reward to inspire her pupils to get the correct answer. I know that would have inspired me.

Though "Glamorous Life" conforms for the most part to the pink film formula, Meike´s addition of geopolitical intrigue (no matter how silly) and high-falutin´ intellectual terminology marks it as unique. As Sachiko wildly humps the professor, they discuss the collective works of Noam Chomsky and Susan Sontag, sending the mild-manner prof into an even higher orgiastic frenzy. It´s not often a porn star observes that "Paradise Lost lacks the material base of pessimism" just before giving a blow job. Meike also displays ingenuity, no doubt fueled by his limited budget, when he depicts the soldiers on the U.S.S. Kitty Hawk as action figures or uses a crudely drawn cartoon to depict the bullet lodging dead center in Sachiko´s brain.
ost porn flicks end with a climax, but here the big release arrives in the form of American intercontinental ballistic missiles unleashed on the world by Sachiko and Dubyah´s deadly finger. As the world is about to be destroyed, Sachiko lets herself get picked up by a surfer dude who invites her for chow mein. As the missiles rain down, her final line "Really? Great! I´m so hungry!" a bubble-headed echo of ´Mein Führer! I can walk!" You can practically hear the strands of "We´ll Meet Again" rising in the background.

Nobody is going to confuse "The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai" with a masterpiece, but not many films combine the strange and disparate elements of this one. The sex scenes are pretty hot, but some viewers might find their libido diminished by the juxtaposition with George Bush or even Noam Chomsky for that matter. Of course, that might be your thing. Not that there´s anything wrong with that.

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