"The final battle for the soul of mankind will be fought in a bar full of possessed strippers."
With a tagline like that on the DVD box, how could "Devil's Den" be anything but a rollicking good time? What if all the strippers had the chests comparable to that of a male teenager, that the majority of these "strippers" spend more time clothed than nude, then fill it with humorously bad slow motion fight scenes and have it directed by a man who made his career out of helming unnecessary sequels to great franchises? If the idea of sexy possessed strippers is what you're looking for, you're more likely to be turned on by the latest issue of the AARP magazine than by this embarrassingly bad waste of eighty-four minutes.
"Devil's Den" tells the tale of two knuckleheads (Devon Sawa and Steven Schub) smuggling a case of Spanish-fly (seriously) from Mexico into America. Worried that their cache of horny pills might be duds, they decide to stop at an odd, out-of-the-way strip club and test them out on the ladies within. Unfortunately for these two dorks, the club they stop at is actually a recruiting station for an army of possessed, flesh-eating strippers. Caught up in the middle of it all are a "Buffyesque" samurai demon hunter (Ken Foree) and a gun-toting assassin (Kelly Hu); after one of the two pill-carrying morons is killed off, the remaining three survivors have to band together, find the demon queen, and stop her plans for world domination.
"Devil's Den" is a complete waste of time, film stock, and the talents of "Dawn of the Dead's" Ken Foree. If one is going to set a film in a strip club, it is unforgivable not to cast actual strippers. Instead, we're forced to watch boring women in bikinis gyrate back and forth will all the grace of a butter-coated quadriplegic. The few girls that are willing to actually play strippers and take their clothes off have about as much in front as they do on their backs. Lead schmuck Devon Sawa has bigger breasts than most of his cast mates, especially if you count his double chin as a third mammary growing out of his untalented neck. Usually, I wouldn't hold the lack of decent nudity against a film, but when your flick is set in an environment where the main business is in the display of supple nude flesh, the lack thereof is inexcusable. As is the idea that Kelly Hu has any business trying to act in films I want to watch. Hu needs to take her inability to deliver an line with an ounce of sincerity back to ignored television shows like "Nash Bridges" and Marshall Law," where I can forget that she ever existed in the first place. On the subject of bad acting by forgotten failures, where has acne-covered Devon Sawa been since his appearances in the enjoyable "Idle Hands" and "Final Destination"? And how soon can we send him back? Outside of the poorly used Foree, the only likable person put on screen is cutie newcomer Karen Maxwell as the airheaded cocktail waitress, Candy. Easily the most attractive woman on the set, it's too bad that Maxwell was smart enough to leave her clothes on.
"Den" could have made up for its faults with a fun plot, good acting, copious gore, or likable characters, but instead it forces you through numerous ultra-cheesy, slow-motion sword fights and unfunny attempts at comedy. Then it commits an ultimate sin by trying to give a nod to the brilliant Zatoichi series in a childish attempt to earn some much-needed film credibility. Just like every attempt by hack director Jeff Burr to entertain, it fails miserably, instead showing the director's lack of knowledge concerning the classic Japanese blind swordsman series as well as his inability to film a comprehensive fight scene.
This hunk of junk blatantly rips off "Blade: Trinity," "From Dusk to Dawn," "Buffy: The Vampire Slayer," and "Underworld." I suppose one should learn not too expect too much out of a director who's made a living out of riding on the backs of influential genre franchises. Just a handful of the awful sequels and remakes you never knew could be attributed to director Jeff Burr are "Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III," "Stepfather II," the 90's "Land of the Lost" remake, "Puppet Master 4 & 5," and "Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings." Once we all get done using Uwe ("Alone in the Dark") Boll as our punching bag, I strongly suggest we hang Mr. Burr from the cinematic rafters and give his stuffing a workout.
With a tagline like that on the DVD box, how could "Devil's Den" be anything but a rollicking good time? What if all the strippers had the chests comparable to that of a male teenager, that the majority of these "strippers" spend more time clothed than nude, then fill it with humorously bad slow motion fight scenes and have it directed by a man who made his career out of helming unnecessary sequels to great franchises? If the idea of sexy possessed strippers is what you're looking for, you're more likely to be turned on by the latest issue of the AARP magazine than by this embarrassingly bad waste of eighty-four minutes.
"Devil's Den" tells the tale of two knuckleheads (Devon Sawa and Steven Schub) smuggling a case of Spanish-fly (seriously) from Mexico into America. Worried that their cache of horny pills might be duds, they decide to stop at an odd, out-of-the-way strip club and test them out on the ladies within. Unfortunately for these two dorks, the club they stop at is actually a recruiting station for an army of possessed, flesh-eating strippers. Caught up in the middle of it all are a "Buffyesque" samurai demon hunter (Ken Foree) and a gun-toting assassin (Kelly Hu); after one of the two pill-carrying morons is killed off, the remaining three survivors have to band together, find the demon queen, and stop her plans for world domination.
"Devil's Den" is a complete waste of time, film stock, and the talents of "Dawn of the Dead's" Ken Foree. If one is going to set a film in a strip club, it is unforgivable not to cast actual strippers. Instead, we're forced to watch boring women in bikinis gyrate back and forth will all the grace of a butter-coated quadriplegic. The few girls that are willing to actually play strippers and take their clothes off have about as much in front as they do on their backs. Lead schmuck Devon Sawa has bigger breasts than most of his cast mates, especially if you count his double chin as a third mammary growing out of his untalented neck. Usually, I wouldn't hold the lack of decent nudity against a film, but when your flick is set in an environment where the main business is in the display of supple nude flesh, the lack thereof is inexcusable. As is the idea that Kelly Hu has any business trying to act in films I want to watch. Hu needs to take her inability to deliver an line with an ounce of sincerity back to ignored television shows like "Nash Bridges" and Marshall Law," where I can forget that she ever existed in the first place. On the subject of bad acting by forgotten failures, where has acne-covered Devon Sawa been since his appearances in the enjoyable "Idle Hands" and "Final Destination"? And how soon can we send him back? Outside of the poorly used Foree, the only likable person put on screen is cutie newcomer Karen Maxwell as the airheaded cocktail waitress, Candy. Easily the most attractive woman on the set, it's too bad that Maxwell was smart enough to leave her clothes on.
"Den" could have made up for its faults with a fun plot, good acting, copious gore, or likable characters, but instead it forces you through numerous ultra-cheesy, slow-motion sword fights and unfunny attempts at comedy. Then it commits an ultimate sin by trying to give a nod to the brilliant Zatoichi series in a childish attempt to earn some much-needed film credibility. Just like every attempt by hack director Jeff Burr to entertain, it fails miserably, instead showing the director's lack of knowledge concerning the classic Japanese blind swordsman series as well as his inability to film a comprehensive fight scene.
This hunk of junk blatantly rips off "Blade: Trinity," "From Dusk to Dawn," "Buffy: The Vampire Slayer," and "Underworld." I suppose one should learn not too expect too much out of a director who's made a living out of riding on the backs of influential genre franchises. Just a handful of the awful sequels and remakes you never knew could be attributed to director Jeff Burr are "Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III," "Stepfather II," the 90's "Land of the Lost" remake, "Puppet Master 4 & 5," and "Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings." Once we all get done using Uwe ("Alone in the Dark") Boll as our punching bag, I strongly suggest we hang Mr. Burr from the cinematic rafters and give his stuffing a workout.
"The final battle for the soul of mankind will be fought in a bar full of possessed strippers."
With a tagline like that on the DVD box, how could "Devil's Den" be anything but a rollicking good time? What if all the strippers had the chests comparable to that of a male teenager, that the majority of these "strippers" spend more time clothed than nude, then fill it with humorously bad slow motion fight scenes and have it directed by a man who made his career out of helming unnecessary sequels to great franchises? If the idea of sexy possessed strippers is what you're looking for, you're more likely to be turned on by the latest issue of the AARP magazine than by this embarrassingly bad waste of eighty-four minutes.
"Devil's Den" tells the tale of two knuckleheads (Devon Sawa and Steven Schub) smuggling a case of Spanish-fly (seriously) from Mexico into America. Worried that their cache of horny pills might be duds, they decide to stop at an odd, out-of-the-way strip club and test them out on the ladies within. Unfortunately for these two dorks, the club they stop at is actually a recruiting station for an army of possessed, flesh-eating strippers. Caught up in the middle of it all are a "Buffyesque" samurai demon hunter (Ken Foree) and a gun-toting assassin (Kelly Hu); after one of the two pill-carrying morons is killed off, the remaining three survivors have to band together, find the demon queen, and stop her plans for world domination.
"Devil's Den" is a complete waste of time, film stock, and the talents of "Dawn of the Dead's" Ken Foree. If one is going to set a film in a strip club, it is unforgivable not to cast actual strippers. Instead, we're forced to watch boring women in bikinis gyrate back and forth will all the grace of a butter-coated quadriplegic. The few girls that are willing to actually play strippers and take their clothes off have about as much in front as they do on their backs. Lead schmuck Devon Sawa has bigger breasts than most of his cast mates, especially if you count his double chin as a third mammary growing out of his untalented neck. Usually, I wouldn't hold the lack of decent nudity against a film, but when your flick is set in an environment where the main business is in the display of supple nude flesh, the lack thereof is inexcusable. As is the idea that Kelly Hu has any business trying to act in films I want to watch. Hu needs to take her inability to deliver an line with an ounce of sincerity back to ignored television shows like "Nash Bridges" and Marshall Law," where I can forget that she ever existed in the first place. On the subject of bad acting by forgotten failures, where has acne-covered Devon Sawa been since his appearances in the enjoyable "Idle Hands" and "Final Destination"? And how soon can we send him back? Outside of the poorly used Foree, the only likable person put on screen is cutie newcomer Karen Maxwell as the airheaded cocktail waitress, Candy. Easily the most attractive woman on the set, it's too bad that Maxwell was smart enough to leave her clothes on.
"Den" could have made up for its faults with a fun plot, good acting, copious gore, or likable characters, but instead it forces you through numerous ultra-cheesy, slow-motion sword fights and unfunny attempts at comedy. Then it commits an ultimate sin by trying to give a nod to the brilliant Zatoichi series in a childish attempt to earn some much-needed film credibility. Just like every attempt by hack director Jeff Burr to entertain, it fails miserably, instead showing the director's lack of knowledge concerning the classic Japanese blind swordsman series as well as his inability to film a comprehensive fight scene.
This hunk of junk blatantly rips off "Blade: Trinity," "From Dusk to Dawn," "Buffy: The Vampire Slayer," and "Underworld." I suppose one should learn not too expect too much out of a director who's made a living out of riding on the backs of influential genre franchises. Just a handful of the awful sequels and remakes you never knew could be attributed to director Jeff Burr are "Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III," "Stepfather II," the 90's "Land of the Lost" remake, "Puppet Master 4 & 5," and "Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings." Once we all get done using Uwe ("Alone in the Dark") Boll as our punching bag, I strongly suggest we hang Mr. Burr from the cinematic rafters and give his stuffing a workout.
With a tagline like that on the DVD box, how could "Devil's Den" be anything but a rollicking good time? What if all the strippers had the chests comparable to that of a male teenager, that the majority of these "strippers" spend more time clothed than nude, then fill it with humorously bad slow motion fight scenes and have it directed by a man who made his career out of helming unnecessary sequels to great franchises? If the idea of sexy possessed strippers is what you're looking for, you're more likely to be turned on by the latest issue of the AARP magazine than by this embarrassingly bad waste of eighty-four minutes.
"Devil's Den" tells the tale of two knuckleheads (Devon Sawa and Steven Schub) smuggling a case of Spanish-fly (seriously) from Mexico into America. Worried that their cache of horny pills might be duds, they decide to stop at an odd, out-of-the-way strip club and test them out on the ladies within. Unfortunately for these two dorks, the club they stop at is actually a recruiting station for an army of possessed, flesh-eating strippers. Caught up in the middle of it all are a "Buffyesque" samurai demon hunter (Ken Foree) and a gun-toting assassin (Kelly Hu); after one of the two pill-carrying morons is killed off, the remaining three survivors have to band together, find the demon queen, and stop her plans for world domination.
"Devil's Den" is a complete waste of time, film stock, and the talents of "Dawn of the Dead's" Ken Foree. If one is going to set a film in a strip club, it is unforgivable not to cast actual strippers. Instead, we're forced to watch boring women in bikinis gyrate back and forth will all the grace of a butter-coated quadriplegic. The few girls that are willing to actually play strippers and take their clothes off have about as much in front as they do on their backs. Lead schmuck Devon Sawa has bigger breasts than most of his cast mates, especially if you count his double chin as a third mammary growing out of his untalented neck. Usually, I wouldn't hold the lack of decent nudity against a film, but when your flick is set in an environment where the main business is in the display of supple nude flesh, the lack thereof is inexcusable. As is the idea that Kelly Hu has any business trying to act in films I want to watch. Hu needs to take her inability to deliver an line with an ounce of sincerity back to ignored television shows like "Nash Bridges" and Marshall Law," where I can forget that she ever existed in the first place. On the subject of bad acting by forgotten failures, where has acne-covered Devon Sawa been since his appearances in the enjoyable "Idle Hands" and "Final Destination"? And how soon can we send him back? Outside of the poorly used Foree, the only likable person put on screen is cutie newcomer Karen Maxwell as the airheaded cocktail waitress, Candy. Easily the most attractive woman on the set, it's too bad that Maxwell was smart enough to leave her clothes on.
"Den" could have made up for its faults with a fun plot, good acting, copious gore, or likable characters, but instead it forces you through numerous ultra-cheesy, slow-motion sword fights and unfunny attempts at comedy. Then it commits an ultimate sin by trying to give a nod to the brilliant Zatoichi series in a childish attempt to earn some much-needed film credibility. Just like every attempt by hack director Jeff Burr to entertain, it fails miserably, instead showing the director's lack of knowledge concerning the classic Japanese blind swordsman series as well as his inability to film a comprehensive fight scene.
This hunk of junk blatantly rips off "Blade: Trinity," "From Dusk to Dawn," "Buffy: The Vampire Slayer," and "Underworld." I suppose one should learn not too expect too much out of a director who's made a living out of riding on the backs of influential genre franchises. Just a handful of the awful sequels and remakes you never knew could be attributed to director Jeff Burr are "Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III," "Stepfather II," the 90's "Land of the Lost" remake, "Puppet Master 4 & 5," and "Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings." Once we all get done using Uwe ("Alone in the Dark") Boll as our punching bag, I strongly suggest we hang Mr. Burr from the cinematic rafters and give his stuffing a workout.
No comments:
Post a Comment